I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
