talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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