When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
