barbara walters just said penis...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
