he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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