You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
