i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
