either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
