If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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