I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
