Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
