Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
