Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
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your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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