I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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