i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
