The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just want to make out with him forever
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
