What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
