how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
