Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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