Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
