"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
