You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
