She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
