Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize