I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just found a bag of teeth...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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