Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
