How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
