I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
