I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I got inside last night via doggy door
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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