did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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