I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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