I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
