There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
