Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
