He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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