I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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