Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
