omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
zippers are such a cool invention
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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