i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
