barbara walters just said penis...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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