Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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