SEEEEXXX PLEASE
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
