Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
