So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
