i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
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So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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