I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
