i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
