i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
