bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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