I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
