Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
