Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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