something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
