Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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