thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
