We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
