ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
