your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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