I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
