If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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