Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
time to smoke my breakfast
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
