on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
