I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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