Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
