so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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