There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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