I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
