I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
