im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
