It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
