Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize