Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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