I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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