Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize