I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
