two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
