I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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