Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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